Last September, Justin Timberlake appeared on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and blew all our minds with a hip-hop medley. Timberlake appeared on Fallon again last night and gave the crowd what they wanted: a sequel.
Some songwriters should just stick to writing instrumentals. These lyrical duds are in turn hilarious, embarrassing, and painful in their inanity. Did no one proofread?
Mama Goose and Diamond Chest – The Thong Song (Sisqo)
Ok, obviously this is a stupid song. “I like it when the beat goes du-nuh, du-nuh / Baby, make your booty go du-nuh, du-nuh.” I don’t know what “du-nuh” is exactly, so it just sounds like ol’ Sisqo forgot to finish writing the lyrics. Here this San Francisco twosome performs a ukulele duet that sounds like it was as fun to record as it is to hear. They’ve got covers of other inane pop songs at their myspace. [Buy]
Kicksville – Invisible Sun (The Police)
Sting gets a lot of crap for his lyrics. Some of them I actually think are quite good (see “Don’t Stand So Close To Me”). This is not one of them. First of all, he never tells us why there “has to be” this invisible sun. That conclusion doesn’t seem obvious at all to me. And “it’s dark all day and it glows all night”? Dude, are you sure you’re not thinking of the moon? Plus, if it’s invisible, how is it glowing? [Buy]
Orba Squara – Poker Face (Lady GaGa)
I’m not exactly sure what “I’m bluffin’ with my muffin” means, but I think I should be grossed out. Daughtry and Weezer have both covered the tune, but the winner goes to the folk-thump of Orba Squara, complete with bells. Never heard them? I’ll bet you have… [Buy]
Mundy – Wherever Whenever (Shakira)
When a Shakira cover begins with harmonica, you know you’re into something good. This one includes my favorite line of the bunch in terms of sheer inanity. “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble / So you don’t confuse them with mountains.” A common problem for well-endowed women apparently. [Buy]
Gruppo Sportivo – Horse With No Name (America)
Another one truly shocking in its inanity. Amazingly, it combines the nonsensical (“The ocean is a desert with its life underground”) with the painfully obvious (“The heat was hot”). Gruppo gives it the Latin funk treatment. [Buy]
GOD – Undone (The Sweater Song) (Weezer)
True story: I can’t hear this song without thinking “Wu-Tang Clan ain’t nothing to fuck with!” The reason for that bizarre association is a remix I heard of the two tunes long before I heard either original. Regardless, this song is self-consciously silly, a quality Weezer doesn’t get enough credit for (I wanted to include a cover of “Everybody Get Dangerous,” a truly horrendous piece of work, but artists have understandably steered clear of that disaster. Edit: Holy crap, an a cappella group did cover it! No way.). [Buy]
Max Raabe & Palast Orchester – Blue (Da Ba Dee) (Eiffel 65)
On Superhits, Raabe takes on a whole slew of bad pop songs, from “Oops…I Did It Again” to “Mambo No. 5.” Each gets his trademark big band treatment, and each works surprisingly well in its new guise. The German accent really sells it. [Buy]
Taylor Bacon – Yea! Heavy and a Bottle of Bread (Bob Dylan)
Ironic choice given the post title, ain’t it? To Bob’s credit, this comes out of the basement tapes jam sessions. Meaning, he wasn’t trying to make sense (for more evidence, see “Million Dollar Bash.”) The funny thing is, Bob’s actually really good at writing nonsensical lines. Like, better than someone less talented would be. “Slap the drummer with a pie that smells”? Brilliant. [Buy]
Jump the Flight – E.I. (Nelly)
Nelly’s never been known for their insightful lyrics, but the bit where he compares himself to a grocery store is priceless. These guys’ don’t take themselves too seriously behind the punk rock bravado. The best part is the guy whose only job it is is apparently to yell “niggah!” [Buy]
Goober & the Peas – MacArthur Park (Richard Harris)
Years ago I read (and loved) Dave Barry’s Book of Bad Songs, and this tune took the top spot. It’s one of the few songs whose bad lyrics hit you every single time you hear it. They’re that bad. I mean, these are really bad. So bad I don’t even want to type them. If you don’t know them, listen close. [Buy]
Doing a 180 from the last post’s Dylan covers, today we’re gonna showcase covers of the lowest of the low, the pop song. We’re talking the song that’s written by a team of middle-aged men for some dimwit nineteen year old to auto-tune her way through. Basically, everything you hear on the radio these days. As you might imagine, take away the elaborate production and the irritating fact that someone’s making a killing with these songs, and you wind up with lots of potential for fun covers. With comps like Pop Goes Punk selling big, the pop cover is almost a genre by itself. Here it is, done right.
Jenny Owen Youngs – Hot In Herre (Nelly)
Probably my favorite of the bunch, it takes a real talent to turn a rap song into a…non rap song. But she does it, adding a cutesy tune that is fabulously inappropriate for the lyrics, complete with awkward white-dude backing vocals. Finds like this are why I follow covers.
The Mountain Goats – The Sign (Ace of Base)
A folky duet by a group that seems to be enjoying this one a little too much. The lead singer was quoted as saying this was not supposed to be a joke cover, but rather should bring out the lyrical quality of the original. Whatever.
Willie Nelson – Time After Time (Cyndi Lauper)
If you didn’t know the original, you’d be hard-pressed to figure out this wasn’t a Willie Nelson song with a particularly catchy melody. He plays with the rhythm of the chorus in a way that throws you at first, but works.
Matt Weddle – Hey Ya! (Outkast)
A Youtube sensation, this version takes the quirky pop sensation and plays it straight, an irony-free meditation on hype and failure. When people perform pop songs as if there’s a deep meaning, 99% of the time they sound like idiots. This is the other 1%.
Jamelia – Numb (Linkin Park)
This was on pretty constant rotation for weeks after I discovered it at Copy, Right. Stripping down the heavy-handed production of the original in favor of heavily-strummed acoustic guitars (perhaps the main staple of good pop covers) reveals an incredibly catchy melody.
Shawn Colvin – Crazy (Gnarls Barkley)
One of today’s premier cover artists, this one floated around the blogosphere when it came out last year. It’s very tightly done, if perhaps a little precious.
The Raconteurs – Crazy (Gnarls Barkley)
And, on the exact opposite end of the spectrum, we have Jack White’s side project here. They performed this live a few times in ’06, including this version at Lollapalooza, thrash-rocking it out with some banshee squealing choruses.
Fountains of Wayne – Baby One More Time (Britney Spears)
Sounds about like what you would think Fountains of Wayne doing a Britney Spears song might sound like.
Nickel Creek – Toxic (Britney Spears)
More modern Britney here, this one’s a little love or hate, with fiddle, banjo, and loads of falsetto. I love it.
Dartmouth Aires – Ask the Lonely (Journey)
What pop cover set would be complete without a little Journey, the definition of guilty pleasure? And with a soloist who can belt it like just like Steve Perry, it doesn’t get better. [Note: Apparently Journey’s just good for acapella; Petra Hayden (formerly of the Decemberists) does a nice Don’t Stop Believing.]
Astrid Swan – When You Were Young (The Killers)
I feel like I’m showing all my cards in this entry, as many of these are among my favorite covers ever. The piano by itself would be pretty enough; add on top of it her gorgeous voice and you’ve got a version better than the original.
The Mooney Suzuki – Just Like Jesse James (Cher)
Just released on the album Guilt By Association, it’s another one that sounds so perfect for its context that it’s hard to remember it used to be very, very different.
Hurra Torpedo – Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler)
The rhythm is off, the guitar playing is out-of-tune, and the vocalist can’t sing. But it’s being played by the leading Norwegian kitchen appliance band, so really what more do you need? (Don’t believe me…to youtube!)
John West – Umbrella (Rihanna)
There are a billion cover versions of this already, by everyone from Mandy Moore to Tegan and Sara, but the cello in this one makes it better than most. It takes the über-catchy factor out of the song, making it an acoustic slow jam that rocks you to sleep.